Gnarp,Agent Gnarp.
Section 01 · This domain
Under construction
This domain is a student project of Gnarp University. Part of the Gnarp Cat Collective, a network of student domains. The student responsible is currently in a box.
Status feed
LIVE · 3%- Status
- Under construction
- Supervising staff
- Asleep
- Reason for delay
- A box arrived
- Estimated launch
- After this nap
- Progress
- 3% (nap in progress)
Section 02 · Personnel
Dossier 0007
Compiled by M, revised eleven times by agents who were subsequently knocked off a shelf. Handle with dry paws.
Biometrics
CLASS-A- Full name
- Gnarp, Agent Gnarp
- Designation
- 0007 · “Paw-007”
- Species
- Felis caelum (subsp. gnarpus)
- Origin
- Gliese 667 C c — locally: MEOWGGEDDON
- Height
- 24 cm (excl. antenna ears)
- Weight
- 4.2 kg · 6.0 kg when wet
- Blood type
- Tuna-positive
- Languages
- Meow, Old Feline, Binary, some Japanese
- Marks
- Third eyelid blinks in Morse. Tail twitches when lying.
- Current post
- Supervising a student domain. Mostly napping.
“He does not disarm the bomb. He sits on the bomb. The bomb, eventually, stops being a bomb out of sheer awkwardness.” — Q, debrief 44-B
Field metrics
SURVEY 3% COMPLETESection 03 · Operational history
Case files
Eight assignments. Five closed, two open, one blocked by cardboard. Select a case to expand its summary sheet.
Section 04 · Quartermaster
Q-branch issue
“And I say, that is for cutting bread, not for … yes. Very good. Put it down.”
Section 05 · Adversaries
S.H.E.D.R.E.
Superior Headquarters for the Eradication of Domesticated Felines & Real Estate. An interplanetary syndicate of vacuum manufacturers and closed doors.
Section 06 · Secure channel
Dead drop
Messages are scrambled locally, routed through three sunbeams, and delivered to whoever is closest to a warm laptop. Which may be the cat.
Channel notes
PGP-ISH- Frequency
- 121.5 MHz · meow band
- Cipher
- Tuna one-time-pad v3
- Response SLA
- Within one nap cycle
- Do not send
- Cucumbers. Ref. incident GREENTHING
If you hear a knock in three parts, that is not an intruder. That is a cat who has watched humans open doors for six years. — Household advisory, 2019